Mad

Days have passed. Mournful mornings to mournful nights would come and ago, as easy as breezy wind would blow. I have been mad, more than ever. Failures to failures fell me down, cracked my spine as i tried to stand up. "A routine" dare i say; me, making a failure, or being a failure equals a routine. it's now like, a usual crap. and people started to be okay with it, like it's a normal process of mental formation. 

Everything good has been decreasing lately. it started with this massive loss of interest. it's like, i have been suffering an abstract, weird depression that's caused by this irrational aspiration to make a fresh start, or to go back from the start. however, i kept telling my self to be okay it. but this urge to fix everything that's passed, is just haunting me, demanding me to go back, to fix what was wrong. and it stressed me out enough. plus, i have my current problems that i should solve too. i've been complaining with "Why" instead asking with "how". I've been telling myself "where did i go wrong?" instead of "where should i go now?" 

still, nobody would give me TCAs.

I've been losing inspirations lately. I've been drastically forgetting vocabularies in english and some in spanish, and german. and my brain has been thinking as a slow snail piece of shit. 

And I am mad. SUPER MAD. I'm mad at me, them, everything. and this time, this chaos hasn't directed me to a safety. and I am mad for it. I am angry, furious, mad. just wait till i lose my sanity. haha.