Alright, Monday.

So I am actually staying at home today. I didn't go to school. I told my mom I had a headache and she believed me. In fact, I was just super lazy to get up as this is Monday and Indonesian school has this weird flag raising ceremony every monday morning so it's reall frustrating. so I lied, I told her that I had a headache. Two days before I've been having flu, but no headache, although last night I had fever. I really enjoyed staying at home. I almost cried thinkign I couldn't do something like this in another time... Sometimes, I wounder if I ever will be able to just, be free in my house. You know, like blog my mind out.

 

I have been feeling like, I lost everything. I am an individual, not a clone. I keep reminding myself that. I have lost my cellphone and I felt like half of my soul was gone, was lost, and I was trying so hard to gain money to buy me a new phone. You know, I have actually been writing. essays, and stories. I actually applied this essay to join this essay competition and the prize actually made me droll. The announcement of the winners is on October 10, and somehow I know I would lose, but in the other side, I am dying, wishing to win. like dying. like, I was really begging my God to please, please please let me win this competition, let me just get the money and get half of my soul back by getting a new cellphone. But then I thought ah damn I am so not gonna win. There are more than 1000 essays applying. I've seen the titles of them and they sounded so great, just looking at the titles. I am so screwed. Hopeless is what I am now. I honestly could care less about school as I just really really want a new cell phone. you know, to get my lfie back. my current celly is this old nokia that doesnt even provide calculator and internet service. I was dying in economy examination cause I couldn't use the calculator, and I was dying in my french test cause my current cell phone doesn't provide frnehc dictionary. I felt sick. I hope that cell phone stealer wold have his dick landed over by a truck. The other side, I am trying to be very very tolerant. I mean the stealer's wife or kid mustve been dying he started to steal. but I would accept no tiny mercy if he did it on purpose, if he did it as a profession. no mercy at all. But I keep reminding myself that I am an individual, not a clone. I shouldn't be depended on gadgets. I am an individual, not a clone. I am a human, not a robot. Pft, I will never ever be able to feel good enough.

Still, I am glad I didn't go to school today.