Steadfastness

"Child" Josef Koudelka's photograph

7:02 pm

Hello, here I am, trying to write at Starbucks alone. Actually, I miss being alone like this, having some time to think about random things, start to dream, start to realize, start to discover.

I see people with their comfort in solitary. Somehow, you realize that, no matter how hard you've fallen, you will be back eventually to yourself. It's not the people you'd ask, what you should do, but you'd ask yourself, what to do. And in time like this, it feels alright to think with myself. Or re-think about things that I might do the next three days, or the next three seconds, which stranger's sight I would catch, and how they'd look when I catch them looking at me. 

In times like this, I look at old pictures. How it was really dreamy in August, where I met some good looking people, clubbing, models, designers, actors, being so glamorous, competing each other to be the most glamorous. Still, that transexual woman shone the most. I saw her shyness in front of her confidence, that makes her humble.

 7:10 pm

I see the complexity of the architecture here. It's like, this building is trying to look like a nest. I imagine how people would see me, right now. Aren't they going to think that I'm quite a loner, or maybe like, my lips look like they're too purple or my skin might be too pale.

But does it matter? People are competing to gain thigh gaps, working out, diet, what is it for? Why do we have to prove something to live? why do we have to prove something to obtain a good life? 

No you're just being miserable, or probably self-centered. People need other people, other people can see. That's the problem, so you have to be so so so nice in front of their eyes... astounding.

7:18 pm

I started to hallucinate that a bunch of middle school students standing across the cafe could be my sister and her friends. They made stupid noise and that made me remember her. 

7:20 pm

I'm very mature right now. at this moment, this second, I know that, people might move to another place. Do something else with another person. There's no such thing as steadfastness. People will die and leave other people behind. Imagine if people don't leave, you're gonna have fuckload of contacts in your phone, and that's not good, not good at all. 

The problem is that, we must organize, how we handle things, what we should do when we're left behind, what we should do when we leave someone, how to utter your gratefulness, love, or hatred.

Because, life could be easy, if we treat it right. We basically, we're already living in the place where we truly belong; Earth. Imagine if you were a human living in Mars, you'd be dead by less than 1 second. 

So yeah.

Lesson for tonight,

random thoughts, funny thoughts.

7:28 pm