Lebenstraum

Countless wishes,

countless kisses,

abundant warmth,

with late night thoughts.

Call me crazy or weird. I made a mind-map about everything that's been going on with my life: school, work, friends, family, boyfriend, self. Even school has many things to do: internship-based research, pre-thesis research, thesis for my public relations bachelor. And then, we talk about work: content creating, copy writing, website developing, this and that, money, paying the insurance. Friends: I need them, they make me feel safe, like it's alright. And then family; the reason why I keep my persistence towards my studies and my dreams and all of this chaotic happenstances that keep happening to me. The reason why I want to hold on. Boyfriend: he's like, the last destination I could think of when I'm broken. The one who's always been supporting me. Sometimes, I would ask him,

"Will you still be with me if they fired me?"

"Will you still be with me if I failed on my thesis?"

And he would nod and say "duh."

It's silly. But it calms me. 

And then self. The urge to be alone, in solitary, with my self-made serenity. All the fucking ego.

For a human who lives seven days a week, having more than six aspects to think about. Is this how life is supposed to be?