con·cept
/ˈkänˌsept/
noun
- an abstract idea; a general notion.
I once watched a Xavier Dolan's movie, it's called "Les Amours Imaginaires". In English it's called "Heartbeats". It's a story about 3 young people stuck in a "imaginary" love triangle. Between the stories of these 3 young people, there are documentary shots about real-life relationship failures opinions. One of the women said, "It's the concept you love. You love the concept more than him".
Of course I understood right away what she meant.
Apparently, now that I'm preparing for my thesis. Everything in my daily-basis must be based on a scientific concept. Like, when writing a thesis (though I'm just writing an undergraduate thesis) you must stick to one scientific method. If you want to stick to it, you must understand the definition, its variables, the whole concept! And then you start to choose your paradigm in your research, you must understand the concept of the paradigm itself, and you must understand the concept of your own research topic. Concept nearly highlights everything. It's okay to understand the concept.
But must we really stick with it all the time?
Concept in an ideal romantic relationship, a general notion of how ideal relationship should be: you call him every night, he calls you every morning, he picks you up, brings you flower, celebrates your birthday, opens the door for you, always be there for you. Do you get it now? the concept! It's how an ideal romantic relationship should be.
Such a great concept, though. Everyone wants an ideal relationship. I mean, who doesn't? The couples then made their own expectations. "If he loves me, he will pick me up." "If she loves me, she will give me a gift on my birthday." "If he loves me, he will bring me flowers." "If she loves me, she will cook me dinner."
Aw, just great. The thing is, when expectation doesn't meet reality, problem happens. All your hesitation and your regret for having such a lame partner. Some of us are really trying with tremendous energy to keep it together because we are afraid of losing our partner. Some became inferior, very obedient, feeling excessively responsible for our partner's mood. Like if they get sad, it might be your fault.
But honestly, I don't think that's how relationships should work. Based on this article from https://www.psychologytoday.com/, there are 10 reasons relationship fail:
1. Trust Issues
2. Different expectations
3. Moving through life in different speed
4. Compatibility issues
5. Communication issuses
6. Narcissism
7. Relational Abuse
8. Grown Apart, Boredom
9. Life Habit Issues
10. Money Issues
And you can see that this ideal concept made us failing because we stick too stiffly on it. Let's see, number three "moving through life in different speed". Let's say the girl's salary is much way higher than the guy's. There's this concept in Indonesian ideal relationship where the guy better be having high salary because he's got fucking ego, like guys gotta have the pride. But YOU CAN NEVER KNOW what works and what won't work for you, and how your life turns to be, right?
Surely, some of us need some time to re introduce ourselves again to our partners.
I am glad that I let my boyfriend know that I don't need to be responsible for his feelings and neither does he. Actually, I'm glad that I watched that Dolan's movie because I managed to elaborate the concept and the reality of my relationship. Concept is meant to be understood. If a concept doesn't work in one situation this proves that it doesn't have to be that way.
Think again tonight: which one do you love, your boyfriend or the concept of being in a relationship?
P.S: I used Miley Cyrus' photo because she seemed so broken after breaking up with Liam Hemsworth
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