A dream

I have a dream, even though I am not sure what it is. It’s a dream anyway so it’s okay for it to be blurry. It’s a dream anyway so it doesn’t have to make sense. It’s a dream anyway so it’s based on my own will. It's above all the reason why; inexplicable, yet so liberating.

I have a dream that I thought I had lost. In the pouring rain, I still try to elaborate the interpretation of my own dream, I still try to rediscover myself, I still want to be found, it’s quite hopeless, it’s like chasing my own tail... But it’s better than chasing other people’s tails.

Boy, what am I thinking? why do I think that we should make a detailed proposal out of it? It's been unplanned, it's been surreal, it's a matter of feeling and willingness, isn't it?

I have a dream and it doesn’t have to consider, or compromise. with its persistence, maybe it’ll come true.

Thoughts in Ubud

There's always been a natural bond between me and languages. They help me understand others and myself. I took a lot of time to think about it: what I learned when I was there. People seemed so gloomy, individualist, yet communal, with high amount of acceptance. Every one of us had a story to tell (or to hide). It was one warm night, there were four of us: Chinese, Chilean, Dannish, and me, Indonesian. We had this little balcony where people would eat and talk, or just awkwardly made eye contacts. I felt as if I was a blank space, waiting for them to talk so I could write something down in my own thoughts.

Jogjakarta, 2019

March 2019
A short getaway to the special region in central Java was full of "what ifs".  it's still the beginning of 2019 yet I have made some serious, substantial, significant decisions. I have once again, lost.

I have always wanted to leave this country. Everyone has the freedom to choose where they want to be. I studied fucking hard to nail my IELTS test, hell I even took French course when I was in high school. To be free from this identity that was given to me by birth was everything I wanted. But I have lost once again.