Monday, March 21, 2016

Detach me

Now I am quite understand how Holden started talking and stopped talking in second. How he felt he was going so well and he suddenly felt, not well anymore. Sometimes, just out of nowhere I wish I could go back where everything was forgiven. I need to get it back together, the pieces, the urges, the spirit. 

It was last Thursday. I locked myself inside my room, shut down the lamp, listened to Yann Tiersen's sad piano to get all the sorrow for my graphic design project -I wanted to make a melancholy digital collage. But that didn't work. I spent like 45 minutes crying and 15 minutes thinking, and I couldn't do it. So I left my computer and went to bed. The deadline however was the following day and I didn't participate, at all.

I don't know why, but it seems like things that I like are being hostile to me. 
Di dalam kelamnya masa,
Dan kediaman rindu,
Ada kata-kata pilu
Tentang waktu yang membeku
Tentang hujan yang membasahi
Sepasang mata yang sendu
Yang ingin berjumpa

Karena setiap tetes hujan,
Berdongeng tentang masa,
Yang dahulu pernah ada,
Tanpa berani mengakhiri

Jika suatu hari malam terus menjelang,
dan pagi pergi begitu saja,
bukan matahari yang kurindukan,
bukan langit biru,
bukan hangatnya angin pantai,
bukan putihnya awan,
bukan cerianya kicau burung,

tapi udara di sudut jalan itu,
Di mana banyak orang menunggu,
Banyak yang ditunggu,
Tapi kami menemukan
sepasang wajah yang dulu tersenyum,
yang masih tertawa,
sepasang tangan yang menggenggam,
sepasang jantung yang berdetak,

Sunday, March 13, 2016

IFW 2016; The Shadows in Makeover Presents "Eyevolution"

Eyevolution is a group of collections by F.budi, Patrick Owen, and Ardistia New York. This fashion show was held in Stage 1 Plenary Hall at 4:30 pm. Eyevoution was about the different perspective of how the eyes see. This fashion show was presented by Makeover. But I think, somehow it's quite the opposite of Makeover's current idealism about putting color on your boday, as it was black-and-white kind of collection.

My favorite was Patrick Owen's. His collection was fresh, futuristic, passionate. I couldn't capture much of his collection because like I said I only brought my little lens, which the only lens I have. And I was in row 5 or something, so the pictures were all about vignetting and stuff. 

Their concept, predominantly was about geometric, origami flipped. kind of clothes, which is quite trending nowadays. I mean talk about the culotte, and flipped tops and all. Very geometric, origami-inspired, futuristic, but not, brave enough. 

IFW 2016; The Shadows in "Tropical Garden" By Lussense KD

Krisdayanti, the Indonesian Diva can design now? Not really. She has a clothing line now, a hijab clothing line, designed by her dearest friend, Luthy. My aunt was a big fan of hijab fashion, so we decided to watch the fashion show of Tropical Garden by Lussense KD. 

I am not good at giving comments about hijab fashion. But I'm glad it wasn't such a black-and-white kinfolk pride collection. It was more like, colorful, sweet, but still, showing pride of wearing hijab. And I'm glad they didn't use the tall version of hijab, that will make you look like an alien, or a tree. Sorry for being harsh, it's just that, in my opinion, I don't find huge hijabs are, attractive. I mean it gives me headache just to look at it. I won't ever wear that kind of hijab, like, ever. 

Indonesia Fashion Week 2016

After all this chaos that's been happening in the earliest days of 2016, I still insisted to go to the annual Indonesia Fashion Week. To be honest, these days I wish could focus on one thing, my studies. But, I still have to deal with other things, this and that, with him or her, or them. Like, everything wants to be such a very big deal to me, which is not fair. But I'm glad I was able to attend and refresh my insane mind for a little bit. 

Thursday, March 10, 2016

"You're pretty and you're smart and you're always happy. Everyone wants to be your friends, everyone loves you, and so does he. Please don't take what you don't need. Please. Please don't take what I need. I do need him. I do. Please not now, please go away, please. You can have so much more. You don't need him. Not now, please. Please, I'm begging you. You can have so much bigger portion, I only ask you to give me a small one that I value so much." said a monster with a lonely heart.

Monday, March 7, 2016


You know, back in middle school years, I found a book in a library, that's called "America by Land" by Robert Olmstead. I've always judged a book by its cover, and the cover was interesting. It took me a while to realize that this was an adult book about love story between two cousins, driving around America by land. Juliette told Romeo something when she was depressed, she said, "If memory is heaven, this must be hell."

Anyways, it's just that, you don't know what happened to you until you look back and see what had happened before. All this comparison, all this complains. I think memory is truly heaven. Even though it was a bad one, we're glad that it's over, and somehow it'd still be heaven. 

Funny thing is that, heaven can not be forgotten.
And self is anxious.

What I found on Instagram

Hello everyone! Some of you may have known that I'd started my instagram account like months ago, and I've been quite comfortable with it. I've been quite productive and been gaining more interests in visual arts. This is probably why I have been doing more designs than writing lately. And here are the things that I found really awesome on Instagram. is like a bank of vintage movies, beautiful movies with beautiful mise en scene, great cinematography, great stories. usually posts pictures of classic movies, including Lolita, Amelie, Pulp Fiction, even black and white ones that were published back then when I wasn't even existed. What I love about is that they would capture the interesting scenes perfectly. Sometimes they would add the lines to make us remember even more clearly.

Sunday, March 6, 2016


Hidden tears and silence, and secrets, and hope, and whispers. It may be easy to look forward to the future, plan things. But future is as phony as Old Gatsby. Trust and gamble, and loneliness, and lights are phony. 

Opinions make you delusional. Opinions make you stop, but where would I be without what others tell me. Where would I be when I don't exactly know what I should know and what I shouldn't know, and what I should tell and what I shouldn't tell, and what I should ask, and what must not be asked.

Some things are spilled, as easy as you told your friends you have met Paul Mccartney last night.
Wouldn't that be so hard to keep? When you were to excited to talk?
Some things are hidden, behind that face, and those dancing legs, and that soft hair, and that make up, and that smell. some things are remained hidden.