Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Pas pour moi

Monday blue. Not only for me, but some of my girl friends felt sad too. My biggest weakness is that I can barely accept the bitter reality. I've always thought that everything could be fixed. but well, some of the things can only be stopped. some of the things might be too complex to be fixed so people would only leave it. But when people are about to leave, I always take a longer time to stay, to fix the complex things. But most of people, would be gone too far. so far they aren't coming back.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

You and I are friends.
Look at those very entertaining bolded characters.

Gabrielle Aplin

Nah, ini temen galau gue coy. Her name is Gabrielle Aplin, a singer from England. Lirik lagunya bagus... yang paling gue suka ya "Keep pushing me" soalnya lagi cocok banget buat gue hahhaha. Gue suka suaranya juga.. aluss banget, pokoknya suka banget. suka suka. Kayak gue suka sama Carla Bruni dan Regina Spektor dan Birdy dan... penyanyi sejenis mereka. Dengerin aja lah ya.. 

I got a big news. tomorrow is monday. which means, any problems are coming straight towards me, and ready to beat me up until they reach their own climax statisfaction, and just leave me there, with wounds, and bleeding face. almost dead. then another modnay will come one week after.
salam curhat. 

This Funny Feeling~

It feels like, being hung alone, in a dark room. it feels like, the rope doesn't strangle you, but the air in that room does. the rope is friendly but you and your surroundings aren't. it feels like, you think you're going to die, but again, the rope is just so friendly. and when you try again to lose youself, giving it up to your senseless world where you shouldn't feel anything, for one second you feel so blessed, so safe, so alive. and then, just like a fast rewinding movie, your eyes which stand as flowers re-blossoming itself.. not withering, but blossoming over and over again... and you feel tired, but happy, but scared, but tranquil.. 


Bon soir. In every possibility I believe, some of them lead me to the thought of failures. so whether I am going to work it out, or lose it all, who cares, who knows. In this situation, seems like "trying my best" can actually give myself a satisfaction. which is really unnecessary. but still... Now it seems like, I barely give a tiny shit to people as they wouldn't give an atom-sized shit to me. I am trying to get rid off my sympathetic emotion that eventually leads me to a self-devastation. why bother, caring and irrationally asking, if people really love you, if people really are about you, when you aren't even happy with their affection. Didn't mean to be an ungrateful bitch, but I really wish that I could be happier. 
Au revoir 

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Oktober 18 2012
Deep in your heart
Where we both had
Something is recalled
That something had passed. 

Self Humiliation

Okay, this is either really cool, or very humiliating. I was unbelieavbly attacked by massive boredom, that I fianlly led myself to visit Picmonkey.com. and I decided to edit my pcture and turned it into a failed poison ivy picture concept. ha-ha-ha. it looks so quirky. I mean very quirky. like, Luna Lovegood mixed with Poison Ivy in Batman. I like it though. 

I am getting more excited for halloween, wishing somebody would take me to a halloween party. And oh, the exam week is over, I have failed one test so far. quiet disappointing. I got my Jakarta fashion week invitations today. Attending Mphosis show and Hoss Intropia show... Because the rest of the shows are full. And yet, I haven't decided what to wear.. Plus I have a marginal amount of money. so I think I am going to cut off some clothes, rip them aoart and just, turn them more wearable. Or.. maybe I am not even going, and I'll give the tickets to my friend, instead. 

I've been actually waiting for christmas, because... this person whom we call "santa" a.k.a my a*nt, she will spread the end-of-the-year gifts and will also give me something. I mean she always gives us something in the end of the year.. just like santa. no offense. 
have a great life, peeps.

Friday, October 19, 2012


I just had this relazation about twenty minutes ago, that life has echoes. yes, the rapture's song. They say "Life makes echoes.. if you see them.. life makes echoes". And well, I consider the rapture's echoes as reflections, that life reflects things in it, not as in making shadows in the mirror, but reflecting things so they will spread and deploy.. so they will breed like crazy epidemic. and no matter how tired you've ever been, you'll be even more tired in the future. no matter how many problems life has reflected in you, you will get more problems. they're echoing. everything is echoing. maybe this is why the say, the energy never dies. fucking genius. 


Enough with the chichats, about heaven and hell, goodness and badness, enough with the different thoughts, enough with the olds.. the conservatives. dare I say, most of my familymembers are considered as old-made-brain human beings. very funny it seems, knowing that we live in the greatest shithole, and also in the great century, they're still counting on their middle age brain quality. this is why, this is why we should have learned philosophy at least in middle school. so we're wouldn't be lost, or narrow-minded. it seems like, now if someone with a great title speaks, people would believe them, especially when it comes to an extreme religious person with high title. they would absolutely nod their heads and believe in what the shitheads say. 
one advice here, learn harder, know deeper. 
October 3 2012
The sudden show of a lad
Never know what I should've had
If only heart wasn't as noire
As the sight was given to the fore

The sudden show of a lad
Know that I shoud've been glad

Sunday, October 7, 2012

I won’t stay but I can’t leave
Some twisted sense of loyalty
And you make me love the things I hate
Keep pushing me
From "Keep Pushing Me" by Gabrielle Aplin
Darkness seems to be darker in a night full of unwanted wants. when the universe denies every gravity of my wishes, there lies.. hopes of miracles, for the shattered dreams I have surrendered them broken, what else would you expect, when you stand in the edge of life? wouldn't be glory I would expect, only something that would vanish my despair...

Only WE can define our happiness

The process of making one of those great Jakarta foods.. "Kerak Telor"
One night in North Jakarta. A bucket of people were thrown into the old city hall. The Fatahillah. Despite all those luxurious view of western cuisines and party, I, could finally define a cheap joy of the old jakarta. 
Salam Bolang.

Look at me, I am washed out by the amount of the sanity, only a grin dare I give as myself fade to the nothingness in a place of nowhere. whether not or conscious, this soul wouldn't care. They see nothing, not a thing at all. I see a process, of an unforgettable oblivion, when a beauty of life shows in a form of carcass. when a drop of tear is defined, as a drop in water sink. Look at me, I am washed out by the amount of sanity. 

Happy Spooky October Everyone
I've been wanting to buy a deer mask since I was in 9th grade. and I've been suggesting students in my school to celebrate Halloween... that we should just hold a halloween party.. where hundreds of students are gathering in the field, wearing spooky costumes, and watch one or two horror movies together. But seems like, people in Indonesia are just too conservative, and too close-minded to throw that kind of party, so.. I decided to mess with my picture.. that's me with a computer-made deer mask. it looks so weird I know. but well oh well..