Sunday, April 21, 2013

Washing Shoes

Mum told me to wash our shoes; mine and my sister's. Mum told us to wash them this morning. It was pretty something. It kind of reminded me of my childhood.. the time when I would wash my shoes every week in the afternoon. I remember how obedient I was back in kindergarten years. No wonder why Mum has been so insistent to me like, unbelievably. She's always wanted me to do housekeeping stuff. like sweeping or mopping the floor. or like, watering plants. That's so weird. How did I even give such a tangible change, how.

Kemang Fashion Week; Diva Glam

Hello blog. I've been wanting to really post this writing since last week. But my computer is actually on a feud with blogspot. And I just can't open my blog in the computer. So I had to beg my brother, to let me borrow his green notebook, so I can blog my thoughts out. And today, after washing his shoes, he finally let me borrowed it. :/ 

On April 13, 2013. Me and my friend Qya, went to the marvelous Kemang Fashion Week that was held in Lippo Mall Kemang, in Kemang, South Jakarta. There we attended 2 packets of fashion show; "Urban Infashion" and "Glam Rock Fashion Nite out". It was actually Qya's first fashion week. And it was our first time visiting the Lippo Mall Kemang. People there were gorgeous. I mean, literally gorgeous. Qya told me maybe that mall is the storage of all beautiful people. 

So we saw many collections during both of those fashion shows. In Urban Infashion, we saw Levi's collection, Bonia, Carlo Rino, I AM, The Little Things She Needs, and Bling. The collection was so-so. My favorite was Bonia. I absolutely loved the bags.

In Glam Rock Fashion Nite Out, we saw Polo by Ralph Lauren, Jack Nicklaus, Promod, and Bebe. Polo men fashion show was a mess. there was this caucasian guy, who was performing as a model there on the stage, and he was chewing gum. I was like, really? chewing gum? It's such a shame to see so not professional model. I mean if he didn't want to perform, then don't. Also, the parade was ruined. It wasn't the time for the parade, yet the models were already coming out and kind of doing a parade, yet some models would still pose to the camera. So they did 2 parades. Since the first one was such a mess. But still, the rest of the collections showed a good collections. Before Bebe performing their fashion show, there were these awesome male dancers, performing their dance. I was excited seeing that. and also was Ryan. 
So this is Ryan, Ryan Syah, the member of AM PM; the Indonesian duet group. Well we were sitting next to each other. So before leaving the fashion show, I took a picture with him. 

It was nice meeting him, although the beginning of our conversation didn't work well, I was embarrassing myself as usual. But well, that's okay. I mean everything needs process right? Hahaha. Anyways, learned my lesson, I won't be embarrassing again, well not that way. 
After the shows are over, Qya and me met up with the models. They were all gorgeous, and They actually came from various nations, like Brazil, Ukraine, etc. They were so tall and I was so tiny. I looked like a 12 years old fan girl in the photos. oh damn. So anyways, that's my story. I had a great time in Kemang Fashion Week. And I can't wait to just attend another fashion week and meet some great people again. Au revoir peeps!


Okay. No more International-Relation shits. I've decided to take Journalism major in University. I realized, that didn't have enough interest in International-Relation kind of studies, so I stopped wanting to study those. I've always wanted to be a writer. Like, any writer. Like, I mean seriously, any writer. Articles, novels, short stories, movies, poems, even songs. It's not like I actually have the ability to write them all... But at least I've always had the endless interest of them. Since I was in kindergarten. I used to make up stories about mexican people living in the south of my house. Sadly, my friends believed in that story, without trying to convince whether I was telling the truth or not. Mum bought me a magazine, with mexican celebrities in it, and I would lie to my friends, telling that I've hung out with those mexicans, and again, they believed it. Or maybe they were just pretending to believe it, but still. As I learned how to write, I wrote silly stories in elementary. I wrote poems, and drama plays for bahasa assignment. And what awesome is, my passion of writing never fades. I told my Mum that I'd take literature major in college, but she vehemently, refused my wants, so I stopped wanting to study literature in college. And Ta-da. I found like, the perfect destination for me; journalism. Like, I'm sure that I will never get bored of it. So yeah, I'm pretty excited actually. I really want to get out of High School as soon as possible. hehe.

That Person.

There are people, I wish I never met. Some people can be way too good, you just can't give such price to thank them. But some people can give too much slash, you hate them so much you want them out of your life. Honestly, we can choose to be either of them, and would still be okay in the morning, drinking tea, despite the thoughts that other people wish they had never known us. But still, okay. I can get so angry at times, I only wish bad things would happen to that person. Yet I can be so melancholy that I wish that person would come back, saying "hello". In public places I wish I would never meet that person, but sometimes I wish, that person would just pass me by. And I would see the eyes, and clothes, and maybe watch, shoes. And I would just, glance, hoping that person would glance back at me. Maybe I would smile, and, that person would smile, and maybe we could go have a cup of coffee, and maybe I would have what I could've had. In this case, I'd rather remain silent. Because this person, has got me wishing 2 wishes at the same time; the wish that I wished to would be delighted to be met with that person, and the wish that I  wished to would just see the person die. However, The unspoken thoughts have always been the best. Neither you, nor I will speak the truth. Only silence can tell us the truth in the end. 

Thursday, April 11, 2013


I remember you told me how weird I was. You probably still think I'm weird. Dear you, you meanie you. Despite the statement you obviously put on me, did you really expect me to act regularly? Did you really expect me to respond like other people would? You knew how my brain would work. You just kept assuring yourself that my brain wouldn't work the way it would. So dear you, meanie you, take a second to think about what you've said. Your words were all true, you just didn't believe them.

Sekolah Sampai Mampus

Saya berjalan pulang, melewati halaman-halaman kosong. Saya tertunduk setelah menatap pohon-pohon kelapa yang tinggi itu. Sampai di rumah, saya belajar matematika, bab fungsi dan limit. Beberapa hari kemudian, terasa ditampar keras oleh setan, saya sadar, bab yang saya pelajari itu tidak berguna. Libur pun tiba, saya masih duduk di kamar, blogging. Saya minta izin untuk pergi ke luar kota bersama teman-teman kepada ayah saya.Dia pun mengungkapkan banyak pertanyaan; naik apa, pulang naik apa, nginep dimana, bawa uang berapa, mana alamat penginapannya, ada guru tidak, ada orang tua tidak, bisa jaga diri tidak. Saya pun meninggalkannya, dan mandi. Di kamar mandi, saya menatap diri saya di dalam cermin, muka kusut dengan mata berkantung, jerawat di hidung, tahi lalat di dagu, dan saya pun menangis. 

Entah apa yang telah tersirat dalam pikir saya. Ego saya memenuhi seluruh tubuh saya, kemudian saya berkata dalam hati, "Percuma libur. Pergi gak boleh, uang jajan gak dikasih. Terus aja... Pengennya sekolah sampe mampus apa?"

Kemudian saya membereskan kamar saya. Pembantu saya sudah mengundurkan diri. Saya terpaksa membereskan kamar saya sendiri setiap hari. Ibu saya menyapu dan mengepel. Ibu saya masuk ke kamar saya, menyapu. Saya berdiri di sudut ruangan, berusaha tidak memperhatikan dirinya.Saya tahu dia lelah. Saya tidak tega. Saya berkata lagi dalam hati, "Kita memang butuh pembantu. Kenapa dibiarkan si Mba Lia keluar..."

Lalu saya duduk di pinggir tempat tidur, termenung. Saya sadar akan satu hal. Saya enggan untuk tinggal. Saya enggan merasa kesal dan bersalah. Kemudian, saya menjanjikan diri saya, untuk pergi... suatu hari nanti. Tanpa kesal, tanpa bersalah.

Sunday, April 7, 2013


This is probably the weakest term for me this year. I honestly don't know what to believe. Everything can be so real and so fake at the same time. It gets me confused and dazed yet so curious about it. I tried to question myself, but myself questioned me back, asking,, "You sure it really is doing like that?"
And I'd say, "I don't even know."

Lately, I've been quiet confused of what I want. Like, I can get easily sad and happy in random times. I don't even have a destination anymore. And for now, seems like, nothing matters. Good score, bad score, good friends, bad friends, good days, bad days, good guys, bad guys, good time, bad time... they're just passing by. And somehow I just float following their flow, and in the end, I will be doing okay.

There's no reason for me to feel such apathy like this. But nothing interests me much lately. Perhaps, perhaps I need something new, something great or bad to just, punch my back and wake me up again. But still, I don't know where to find that thing. 
Seems like, I have to wait for the thing to come to me...

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Welcome to the family, Sixav!

Hello everyone, say hi to my new family member, Sixav.
Yes, He's a guitar. We just adopted him today, April 6 2013. That's why my dad and me, I mean, that's why I named it Sixav; Six Avril (April Six). It's french, but the shortened version "Sixav" makes it sound... russian-ish. It's so awesome.

I've never named anything. So I thought, maybe it'd be cool to name our new guitar... Because it's really special. We bought it for a cheap price. Yet, it still has a great quality. We even drove to North Jakarta, to reach this music store, "Detton Music" where we met Sixav.  

We're all still adapting with Sixav. My fingers hurt when I tried to play today. So were my dad's. Sixav's sound is really different from our old guitar's sound. Sixav's sounds louder and happier.

I was really excited knowing that my dad was going to buy a new guitar. I wanted to get a black one, but eww negro. hahaha just kidding. I am really eager now... eager to learn more, eager to sing along with Sixav. We'll really make him comfortable here.

Anyways... It's almost midnight here, I should get some sleep.
good night blog, good night Sixav!
Ti Amo.
I don't like you, slut.


Hai, blog dan pembaca. Gue minta maaf soalnya blog gue isinya hampir curhatan semua, dan rata-rata curhatan gue tentang hal yang sama. Gue juga gak tau kenapa juga gue nulis cerita-cerita tentang perasaan gue di sini. Mungkin karena gue mau jadi seniman... Makanya gue ekspresif banget.
Post yang ini judulnya gue kasih tanda seru, dan judulnya "pelajaran". Soalnya tulisan ini memang berisi pelajaran yang gue dapet, dan harus gue inget terus, biar gak kejadian lagi.
Setiap kali gue kecewa, gue selalu cari cara untuk gak kecewa. Gue selalu nanya sama diri gue sendiri, apa yang harus gue lakuin buat "bebas" dari rasa kecewa gue ini. Oleh karena itu, kalau gue lagi kecewa, gue selalu curhat sama temen-temen gue yang udah kuliah; Kak Ratih, Kak Dewi, Kak Rizqi, Resty, dan Tante Icha. Kenapa? Soalnya menurut gue, fase kuliah itu adalah fase manusia melakukan liberalisasi, dimana manusia itu lebih mengutamakan dirinya daripada lingkungannya. 
Dan gue menyampaikan masalah yang lagi gue hadepin ini ke mereka semua.Salah satu dari mereka bilang, "Kalo di kampus gue, fid, itumah dibikin sekedar tau aja."
Sumpah. Itu nasehat yang bener-bener ngebuka mata gue, dan sadar, kalo setiap orang itu punya label; ada si baik, si bego, si jablay, si brengsek, si lucu, si lemot, si galak, si aneh. Dan setiap orang itu sadar akan labelnya masing-masing, dan juga label orang lain.
And to be truthful, label lo semua itu bakal diterima-terima aja sama komunitas, sampe lo ngerugiin orang lain; sampe lo nyakitin perasaan orang lain. Gue bisa jadi orang yang super welcome, dan nerima semua label yang ada di sekeliling gue, asal label lo itu gak ngerusak rasa welcome gue ke label lo.
Afterall, everyone still has rights to be different. and I do have rights to be choosy.


I watched this Italian movie, "Malena"; a movie by Giuseppe Tornatore. It's about a boy, named Renato, who loved a woman, named Malena. Since then, I gained my interest to learn Italian. The movie concept was, simple. But it touched me, personally.

There's this part, where Renato says this,
"Signora Malena, a more capable person than me...
wrote that the only true love is unrequited love.
Now I understand why. It's been so long since you last came out of your house.
But the longer we are apart, the stronger my love becomes."
 And by the end of the movie, Renato says,
"Time has passed, and I have loved many women.
And as they've held me close...
and asked if I will remember them I've said, "Yes, I will remember you. "
But the only one I've never forgotten is the one who never asked-- Malena."
You conclude it. The quotes have said enough:) 

Friday, April 5, 2013


Ah, finally. Hello readers. I've been wanting to blog since Monday, but the midterm examinations were all haunting myself, forcing me to study, and plus the cynical looks from my parents whenever I reach my gadget during the exam week... I didn't get the chance to blog. I've been thinking about my future recently. I've been studying for years in school still I haven't been able to earn money by using my ability with my social studies and math, and those subjects I'm taking at school. I realized, in one point I am just too clueless. Tired of being clueless, one day, I told my mom, "Bu, aku mau jadi seniman." and she laughed.