Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Let it obviate

I can feel the sea on my feet, looking directly to the sun. Just me, my friends, the beach, and strangers. We walked together at night in the dark, feeling cold as fuck. But we kept on walking anyways. Ache is somewhere inside me, which I will never be able to eradicate, it lives there as long as I live. But the funny thing about ache is, you can not feel it when you forget about it, when you ignore it. I'm back on track.



Moving Away

So I got accepted to Padjajaran University. It's located in West Java and I'm going away. People can be phonies, and they can be crooks too. Crooks are the kind of people I'm most afraid of, remembering the tragedy I had when I was on my way home in bajaj, and my cellphone just got snatched away. It's stupid. I'm excited yet scared. But there's no way turning back. It's not like I'm gonna have to survive the tribe or anything. But yeah It's far away from home. Though i've been hating home recently. My mother has been busy dealing with my grandmother. My grandma.. boy, she's fussying around telling people dos and don'ts. I really could careless about the whole "house-moving" and stuff. Yes my family is also moving to the central of Jakarta. No more south jakarta. And my grandma is making a big deal out of everything. Which is a normal thing in our family. But still, It's getting on my nerves. and remembering it, makes me want to move away really soon.

There are many things I can do alone, in my nice, small, room in West Java. I've written what I should bring when I finally move out of this house. And I will try to go back home seldomly. Boy I wouldn't go back home during Eid celebration cause I'd be nothing but young slave,cleaning the whole goddamn house. No way I'm coming back. I'll probably come back when the maid arrives, so I don't have to be a maid there. It's not even my house. It belongs to my grandma and Idk, she's like the big boss and we're not small bosses, we're her employees. I wish I had been more like my sister as she had been quiet stubborn when it was all about grandma's orders. She'd tell her, "Nope I'm lazy."
And with that fierce chinese face she has, grandma wouldn't even dare.

Really excited about moving out. I can smell my humid room that I rent for one year... with just a little bathroom, and unknown neighbors living around me. I've played the computer game "Neighbors from hell" or something like that. And I honestly won't be able to deal with that. 
But still, there's no turning back.
I'm ready. I must be ready.

Monday, August 4, 2014

One May See,

We have eyes so we can absorb the lights. But still, lights can be absent sometimes. And that's why people's opinions can be so dark. I've worked my ass off to keep things the same. I thought little changes wouldn't be so distracting as things had changed before and we kept on going. But you know, one may see, that it's not "we" anymore. it's more like, "me". I can feel it. It's like, we were in a train going somewhere, but you left to the wrong station. I've worked my ass off to make you stay. You gave me beautiful sunrises, but always, always ugly sunsets. It's like, you're saying that I'm not worth fighting for, when you haven't even been fighting. It's like this time, you don't stop cause you never start. You may see, that You should have gotten more than what I have offered. You may see that I haven't worked hard enough, and that I shouldn't have obtained what I thought I should obtain. People may see differently and so may I. I may see that I've worked hard enough, and you're just being ungrateful son of a bitch. Lights can be absent sometimes, one may see when they again shine.

Words in Abundance

Greetings folks! Writing is an easy thing to do but there are always reasons that turn me all the way around when I try to reach my computer or my mother's laptop. Writing needs courage. I must've got the guts writing what I feel at random times on my blog. It's like, exposing yourself, declaring how you feel at one time isn't easy. Sometimes, fear swallows you, so you decide not to write. Another reason I decide not to write is.. my mother's laptop needs to be charged 100%  before I start to blog. My mother's laptop can not be charged when it's on, it can only be charged when it's off. I don't like blogging my writings halfway, it gives me anxiety. In the other side, sometimes I just don't feel like it. Not like I'm not inspired or anything. I daydream a lot. It's just that I don't immediately write what I think at random times, I have to be home and be with my laptop and the wifi should be on. And going home needs time and stuff, and when I log on to blogspot, I don't feel like writing anymore.