Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Selamat pagi, 2015

Banyak yang bercerita malam kemarin, bagaimana dia ingin pergi berkeliling dengan ayahnya, bagaimana dia ingin memasak marshmallow dengan kekasihnya, bagaimana dia tidak bisa tidur, bagaimana ayahnya memaksanya untuk naik genting, bagaimana dia tidak peduli dengan kembang api, bagaimana dia terlelap, bagaimana dia merindukan anaknya, bagaimana dia gelisah, bagaimana dia kelaparan, bagaimana dia mencari inspirasi. Banyak cerita, banyak yang didengar, banyak yang menjadi kesan, banyak yang sekedar pesan, banyak yang tenggelam di kesementaraan hiasan malam.

dan di tengah kesementaraan itu, satu saat, bumi berhenti berbicara, dan manusia berhenti berpikir, dan jantung berhenti memacu darah-darah hangat yang bersemangat.

Lampu-lampu yang bisu, melihat kesejanakan bumi terdiam, makin menerangi malam yang buta. Bintang-bintang tenggelam, menelan semua rasa dan semua asa dalam suatu kesunyian.

Aku memandang ke jarak nan jauh, di sana aku bertemu lautan yang rendah merendah, dan aku menemukan diriku, di tinggi meningginya langit sedang berdoa.

Di sana, sekali lagi, aku bersyukur.
Selamat Tahun baru

Embrace yourself

No I don't wanna go to Chile and meet some Mespuchas. And I don't want to go to the hill and wait for my people to jump off the clift. People say stumbling is bad, but I actually like the feel of falling, and they say we are blinded, so why not let us be. I'm a sickness, I'm a virus, I live. Live in the shadows in the clouds in the wind under the ground wherever I like and I will survive, and so will you. Bugs won't even dare to touch our blood my darlings. Embrace yourself, this is it. This always it.

With 1:04 am thoughts

Sunday, December 21, 2014

It's a big fat world, filled with big fat things, some people want things to be theirs, some just, take a sip of feel, but not actually owning. Funny how I see the lights in the street, shining, but don't belong to anyone or anything, but they still look so great. I forced myself to watch difficult things, and I made things so difficult, but they were mine, at least.

Welterusten, Siti Suwarni

De         kat
De         kat
De                        kat
De                        kat
De                        kat
De         ka              p
Ja     uh
Ja        uh
De  kat
De kat
Aku mendekap
Selamat jalan

And I've fallen

To like something, or to pretend to like something. Big different, big deal. Why do you keep asking things that are so, not inexplicable? How am I going to answer, when the answer is not an answer, it consists more questions, and I still can's answer them all. Lack of interests, lack of everything. And I've fallen to the sea, inside another sea, inside another sea, and I can't breathe, but I can swim. Pretending to like something.

Sunday, December 7, 2014


What a great great escape. You held my hand, and it was us against the night. It was us against the people it was us against the cold. We felt so fucking mighty.

Some things felt so fast yet so slow. We were like, distance photography, catching lights, losing lights. No immune needed, no food, just laughs and the wind, and the heat. Crazed but sober.
It was a great journey.

"It makes me sit and wonder, how you've never bothered, when I said I wanna be free" - Clare Maguire


Monday morning. I have just prepared myself to go back to college. Everything is packed but myself. Mother was busy picking clothes for me to this vacation I'm about to go to. And she knew I was s not excited until she told me to open my suitcase which was full of clothes she picked. 
They were beautiful. They are beautiful. I found it funny how God wanted me to get closer to him by showing his love through one thing I love; fashion. It feels really phenomenal. And I think I'm ready to go, to you know... to get such a revelation.
I have a boyfriend now, and he's the coolest guy I know after my grandpa, my dad, and my uncle Radif. He's like, the boy version of me. We went out yesterday. We were looking for 120 film, the uh the analogue film. We drove to the south part of Jakarta for nothing. We didn't find it. And we took the bus and we took another bus, running, just like in those movies, and we took pictures, and we saw things differently, and we ended up watching Penguins of Madagascar. How I love randomness.
I remember my old friend, who lives in the desert, fighting his rights, or maybe he's doing nothing. And I remember my old friend, who lives in the farm, having a lot of cows, playing hide and seek, or maybe, her cows are dead now and she's stuck in the city. Remembering things, funny things, good things, without knowing if they're still good or still funny, I keep presuming they stay the same though.
I miss watching my favorite TV shows. funny ones, cool ones, inspiring ones. And  I have to do a stand up comedy for my public-speaking test. So stressing out. But what the hell. Currently, I'm really grateful for what I have now. I'm loving myself, and my life, and what I do. I think I've become completely human.


 Ada di setiap melesatnya fikir, atau ada di setiap langkah kaki. Ada, namun tak terlihat, tak terbenak, ada namun tidak ada. Bagai angin sepoi musim semi, ketiadaan datang ke dalam hidup saya. Ketiadaan itu menjadi ada. Sesaat, saya melihatmu di tengah keramaian, dan saya mendengarmu di tengah kebisingan. Dan saya akan terus mendengar dan melihatmu sampai saya tidak mampu, lagi. Dan mungkin kau akan muncul kembali, tiba-tiba.

Kau akan selalu memberi saya rasa ketiba-tibaan. Rasa akut yang terus terjadi, munculnya gagasan dalam benak, itulah yang akan kita sampaikan. Dan ketika itu terjadi, ketakutan dan keraguan akan pergi. Dan berkali-kali, saya akan jatuh kepada ketiba-tibaanmu, dan membuat kita selalu ada.

Friday, November 28, 2014


Dan kau bertanya tentang warna pelangi,
Di tengah kegelapan, di tengah topan
Ribuan rintik hujan menghalangi cahaya
Biasan warna ke tiadaan
Dan aku tetap menjawabmu,
Dan aku ingin kau tetap bertanya

Kau mengajak bermain salju
Membuat boneka dari embun beku
Kau mengajakku bermain ski
Di tengah teriknya musim semi
Dan aku akan membawamu,
Ke punggung-punggung gunung tinggi
Di sana kau temukan salju abadi
Walau menghirup hangatnya semi

Dan kau bercerita tentang waktu
Saat-saat yang terlewati,
Saat-saat yang kelak terasa
Semua rasa, setiap detik
Yang kau rasa, yang kau alami,
Yang kau lupa, yang kau ingat
Kau ingin kembali

Dan aku bicara tentang waktu
Tentang kau dan aku,
Tentang pelangi dalam kegelapan,
Tentang kau dan aku,
Tentang salju di teriknya musim semi,
Tentang kau ingin kembali,
Merana, merindu, merasa.
Tentang kau dan aku,
Tentang segumpal haru,
Sebelit rasa, sebuah cinta

Dan kau bertanya tentang rasa,
Tentang rindu, tentang asa,
Dan aku tak akan menjawab,
DI sana kau akan melihatku,
DI sana aku,
Membuatmu sekali lagi,

Hantu Penjelajah

The Ghost Travelers, by Fidya Zahra

Untuk Pamanku, Irfan.
Di dunia yang belum aku kunjungi.

Aku melihat bayangmu di dalam bingkai
Tak bahagia tak tersedu,
Dalam potret hitam putih penuh debu

Aku mencium wanginya embun di pagi hari,
Aku meraba dinginnya angin,
Dan aku melihatmu,
Tertidur, kadang berjalan, kadang terduduk.
Kau diam, tak bersuara,
Bahkan ketika kau berbicara

Dan kau pergi mengitari hutan-hutan jahat
Dan aku merasakan dahagamu,
Turut sakit karena kekosongan,
Dan aku merasakan kesepianmu,
Di tengah keadaan dan ketiadaan

Dan aku memanggil namamu,
Dalam doa, dalam resah,
Di sana aku menemukanmu,
Dalam bajumu yang lusuh,
Kau tersenyum, seolah menyapa,

Murka Sejenak

Berlari menuju laut luas
Di saat senja menguningkan langit
Kaki-kaki kecil itu meninggalkan jejak
Dan ombak menghapus potret berpasang-pasang kaki
Dan angin merambatkan suara tawa ke penghujung
Dan matahari menghilang,
Kabur sudah potret senja yang menguningkan langit

Aku tidak lupa,
Baju yang kau kenakan, bagaimana kau menata rambutmu
Suara tawamu, suaramu di kala tersedu
Caramu berlari, caramu menghitung langkahmu,
Caramu berteman, bercinta, dan menyakiti
Aku tidak lupa, apakah kamu,

Di kala matahari kembali datang,
DI kala langit kembali menguning
Kau ada di sampingku terdiam
Rambutmu tidak lagi kau tata,
Kau tidak lagi berlari,
Kau tidak sekedar berteman,
Tak sekedar bercinta
Kau menyakiti

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Jakarta Fashion Week 2015; Japan Fashion Week in Jakarta

O Hayou Gozaimasu! Guess who got the front seat? Yep, this girl, who's typing right now got the front seat on column H. Coloumn H is actually the last coloumn so I could see real clearly how the models walked and posed, AND OH! Before I start discussing this show even more, I would like to raise my glass to those very patient journalists who stayed there since the first show started, and I would also raise my glass to JFW organizers, who could corporate with Tokyo Fashion Week, bravo, and I would like to raise my glass also to those beautiful kind people in this fashion show. I miss you all. 
Japan, Japan, Japan. When I first saw the title of the fashion show, I actually imagined harajuku style, you know anime things and stuff, couture-inspired, but ta-da. Veil. Veil came out. And I thought, "Is this Dian Pelangi?" Ha, but no, it was really Japan Fashion Week in Jakarta Fashion Show. 
So the collections were from Mannequins Japon, Motonari Ono, and Somarta.
Mannequins Japon is actually designed by Sakaguchi Hideaki. The brand concept of Mannequins Japon itself is to express, illuminate, to define "the love of human. Ne sais pas, monsieur. The product concept is to make the products well-known in today's term. the cuts and impression of the products are quiet consistent and feminine. 
Monotari Ono is a collection by Ono Monotari, colaborated with a designer from London named Bora Aksu. Together they build Monotari Ono. Ono Monotari is really a talented student. He's won DHL award in Mercedes-Benx Tokyo Fashion Week.
Somarta, designed by Hirokawa Tamae, she founded Soma Design in 2006. While trying to build Somarta, she actually launched "Skin Series" a body-wear collection that explores the interaction between clothes and human body shape.
The collection was awesome. It didn't look as if it was Japanese design though. But the designers were really cool. Even the veil ones. It kinda showed me how beautiful moderate muslims would wear their hijabs on the street. MY favorite collection si actually the first picture in this post. It looked really amazing, the model walked with it real chill. It was such a great experience. I'm so coming again next year.
Bravo, Jakarta Fashion Week! See you next year.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Jakarta Fashion Week 2015; Colour of The Year 2015 by DULUX

Bonjour people, sorry for the delay of reporting this post. I'm still adapting myself as a college student.  I wanted to report it right away but... I had something to do. many things to do actually. So here it is. I attended Jakarta Fashion Week, as you've read in the post before. I'm gonna talk about the first show I attended in that event. It's Colour of The Year 2015 by Dulux.
Dulux has set the color of 2015 would be Copper Orange. I actually didn't know that the color was called "copper orange" ha-ha. I've always thought that color was.. I don't know, light orange? creamy orange? Anyways...... The collection was quiet "Indonesian". Um, the "loose" arms idea, the collection was really neat, real safe. really wearable in a particular occasion, like in a nice evening party. Very feminine, very simple, but expensive in a way.
The next collection was not all about Copper Orange anymore. It kinda showed the unique side of the designer, as they actually showed some almost-peculiar collections, like loose-pants, stuff like that. the collection, however was still wearable. I digged the loose-pants part though, nice idea for bell-bottoms as they were made of chiffon (if i'm not mistaken cause I don't really know types of linen). Yeah, I think it'll be so cool, wearing bell-bottoms (cutbray) that made of chiffon. but the sad part is the upper part of the pants weren't tight, weren't fit to the models' legs. I think It would've been better if the upper part is tight. so it'd look absolutely like a chiffon bell-bottoms, not like a.. harem-inspired bell bottoms. 
Some collections were grunge inspired. It's a good thing though as I adore grunge style so much cause it actually gives rebellious effect, and elegance in the other side. Some collections could be so chill though. Like chill-inspired hahaha. But yeah, some could be really simple, safe, some could be strong and elegant. The thing is, I don't know whether this collection is adjusting the season that is happening now (Autumn/Winter), because the collection was really random, like you could see spring, you could see fall, you could see summer, even winter.
Alors, now bravo to the genius designers. I was surprised to see such young designers. I thought the designers were these old... architects, or some interior people. But they were just, young people, probably college students. Milcah, Friederich, 8Eri, and NFRT bravo! Bravo Dulux!

#ABAIKAN At Jakarta Fashion Week 2015

My sister and I doing a selfie
HAI! FInally, I attended Jakarta Fashion Week 2015. I went there with my sister, Tsabita. And we watched two fashion shows there. And we saw many many beautiful people. And we actually met some people who were really nice.

FIRST thing FIRST, I've committed myself to attend public events. So when the time comes, I have this excessive urge to attend that event. SO FAR, there are few public events that I must attend; Indonesia Fashion Week, Europe on Screen, Halloween Event, and Jakarta Fashion Week.
Met these bloggers at Fashion Tent
I had to look for the invitation to attend this year's Jakarta Fashion Week. And you wouldn't believe what I did to get the invitation. Um, at first I thought we could book all of the show on the first time e-ticketing announced its availability. And I actually, accidentally fell asleep. And I woke up, feeling so worthless. SO I had to, I contacted my aunt, my uncle, my friends, people, who I thought could give me one ticket to attend Fashion Tent Fashion Show. But nobody did. THANKFULLY, Jakarta Fashion Week announced that the tickets are actually booked daily, so I had to stay up until like 00:30 am to book the tickets. And Grazia fashion show was fully booked in like, 5 minutes. I got one ESMOD ticket for my sister, and one Japan Fashion week ticket for me 

AND You wouldn't believe what happened by the time we got there. My shoe broke. I was actually wearing these brown wedges with laces, but somehow the shoe broke. I had to tiptoe to the shoes store and it was really weird. And thank god the shoes were on sale, so I got such a fair price. Um yeah.

After dealing with the shoe problem, I and my sister went to check out the venue. When we got there, we asked the crew what time we should stand by the venue in order to attend the show, my sister's show actually, she got the ESMOD show invitation. The crew then said, "OH why don't you guys wait while watching Dulux? Color of the year?"
And we glaned at each other, and we told him, "SURE"
And he gave us the invitations. We then, like a boss, we entered the venue. We didn't get the front seat though, we were in column A, line 3 or 4, but we could still capture the show. It was very easy actually as we were really close to the opening of the runway. 
After watching Colour of the Year by Dulux, my sister immdiately went back to the entrance to watch ESMOD Jakarta Fashion Show. I, sorely, went to the foodcourt to get myself a drink. I'm not used to wear heels so.. yeah.

I waited for her for like 1 hour, then she finally showed up. she bought herself a drink also. And then I left her to watch Japan Fashion Week in Jakarta fashion show. During that show, I met few people, including Eric, a guy above, the caucasian guy, who gave me an invitation for the next fashion show "Thai Designers". Merci Beaucoup, monsieur Eric. And I also met a japanese guy, named Toushi. He was actually astonished when I spoke japanese with him. Our conversation actually started with "Sumimasen." then Toushi was like, "How did you learn Japanese?"
And I told him, "Bitch please, I've learned Japanese for 5 years." Just kidding. I actually told him, "Oh, I actually had japanese class in Middle School and High school. But I'm not really fluent in it."
And Toushi-san said, "But you're fluent in english."
MODUS, right? Fucking modus.

But I brought a baby with me; my sister. And my mom kept calling me, asking me to take my sissy home, so instead of watching that Thai Designers Fashion show, I went back home, we went back home. But still, it was such a great experience. Though It was a big shame that I had to buy a pair of new shoes. But it was cool. I felt super happy. 

P.S: Ignore the narcissistic photos. peace out. 

Saturday, November 1, 2014


My folks killing time in costumes (left: Diko, Zulfa, Nisrina, Fany, Farah, Syifa)
 The best thing to celebrate besides "Lebaran" would be Halloween. Ha-llo-ween. The sound of it makes me fantasize about drums, people walking on the street, with costumes on, smiling, cheering, scaring each other. Yeah. I'm in love with halloween. 

I've always wanted to attend Halloween event. But I wasn't raised in a western-cultured family, so I have never experienced the real door-to-door trick-or-treat, but still, I've always been fascinated, seeing how adventurous Halloween event would be for infants. So I decided to attend a Halloween event one day when I'm "grown up". Actually, I've always planned this occasion, I've planned it years before, I've planned it last year, but I've been always out of luck, like I couldn't attend the event, or I didn't have enough money to attend the event, like there was always something that prevented me to attend Halloween event, until.. this very graceful year.

Temporary tattoos sold in Westhill Midnight Carnaval
The very first of all, you should really know what happened during this year Halloween experience. We had troubles, me and my friends, we had troubles choosing for the right event to attend. We googled "Halloween Events in Jakarta 2014" for like 2 weeks. We came up with many suggestions, but you know, capital city insists so much that the Halloween events there were really expensive. We couldn't adjust the fees with our finance. I was kind of disappointed. I really thought that this year would be another dream, until my friend Monica texted me,
"Fidy, there's this halloween event in Maja House Bandung  2 weeks from now."

Me dressing as Minnie Mouse, and Monica as Princess Jasmine
So we finally found the right event. Westhill Midnight Carnaval at Maja House Bandung. The ticket price was actually Rp150000.00, but they gave this special price for students, so we only paid for Rp100000.00 which was the best deal ever. 

We had to visit their ticket box in this restaurant called "Vanilla" in Bandung. And we had to start looking for costumes. Costumes. Yeah. We googled and we got this recommendation about this costume-renting shop in Bandung, located in Jalan Mangga. So, on this saturday morning, I planned to meet up with her in Bandung.

Well, many weird things happened during our costume search. First, The AC inside my van which I paid to drive me to Bandung from this Travel Agent, didn't work. The AC didn't work. And the trip from Jatinangor to Bandung was really congested. SO yeah, It was like one hour sauna for me.
And Zulfa actually got busted, not using a seatbelt by this police and she had to pay the fine. she had to pay Rp250000.00 wtf. Que mala surtez right! And guess what? by the time we got there, the costume shop was not open that day. shit. We really felt like shit. But we didn't give up. We googled for other costume places. I even called my aunt who used to live in Bandung. And I asked her if she knew any costume-rents in Bandung. And she suggested many places, so did Zulfa's friends. And we decided to visit this costume-renting place in Somewhere In Bandung. Can't tell you the place, but it was really creepy.
Folks in Westhill Midnight Carnaval
Interesting Costume found in Westhill

Okay, we arrived at that costume place, and it was no shop, but it was a... house, like a small, silent house, in a faraway district in Bandung. It gave me chills at first, but I was excited looking for costumes in a way. We got in, and this woman appeared. She wore this hijab and this red lipstick, and this eccentric muslima dress, and I could see the abundance of foundation cream all over her face. 

And she was talking as if she was in a rush. she let us try many many costumes. I actually found a perfect costume for me, I wanted to dress as a french maid. But Zulfa hadn't found her costume. She kept changing and changing, until... That lady said.
"Stop it! You aren't even serious with it!" in this hideous, raising tone, with this evil sight. 
Zulfa and I glanced at each other. The situation got awkward. I suddenly felt the silence all over the house, and I realized that it was just me, Zulfa, and that hideous lady. She could've locked us up in that house, or i don't know, she could've killed us and eaten us for dinner.

SO I told her that I had to withdraw my money from the ATM to pay the guarantee fee. But instead of withdrawing money, we ran away. LOL. We had no courage nor urge to go back to that scary place.

Spooked real bad, we decided to chillax and have lunch. And we looked up "Last minute Halloween Costume" on google, and Minnie mouse came up. So I decided to be a minnie mouse. And Zulfa decided to be a bunny.

It was a real creepy experience. but you know it's Hall-oh-win! So we gotta get that spooked feelings. Hahaha. So we attended Westhill Midnight Carnaval last night. And the event was sick! I loved to see how people would actually gather with their friends in costumes, taking pictures, dancing, eating together, scaring each others. I could really feel the door-to-door trick-or-treat sensation that I should've felt when I was a kid.

With Syifa as Hermoine

I would really come again next year, and I would actually prepare myself even better for this event. I kinda felt disappointed as I only dressed as Minnie Mouse. I mean, come on. There were so many girls dressed as Minnie Mice. I was kind of pissed, but I thought, "Man, I'm here, chill out." And I did really chill out. I met Monica, I hung out with friends, laughing our ass off over everything. I was also introduced to many new people, students from other universities, Me and Fany actually found the criteria of our future husband. It was a super experience.
I'm gonna spook you again next year

Jakarta Fashion Week, Tomorrow. So Excited.

Monday, October 27, 2014


Ketika Takdir Menyapa

Oh begitu rupanya
Lucu terasa di urat mati
Lara yang dirana
Ketika takdir yang menyapa

Entah apa,
Dimana kuletakan salah ini
Dinginnya diri kini berapi
Ketika takdir menyapa,

Menyayat hati tak guna jua
Ketika takdir telah menyapa
Cita dipuja, lara mesti disuka
Semua ini ketika takdir menyapa

Ketika takdir menyapa,
Yang terjadi, terjadi tiada guna



Menanti hitam yang putih dan benci yang dicinta
Tak kuasa aku menahan diri dalam sedu terpana