Sunday, December 8, 2013

Art Generation

Waktu itu gue lagi diskusi tentang bidang-bidang pekerjaan. Om gue nyaranin kalo gue masuk FSRD aja. Waktu itu gue masih SD, lupa kelas berapa. Kelas empat atau lima mungkin. Om gue bilang, kalo generasi gue bakalan jadi generasi seni, dimana seni itu bakalan jadi hal yang eksklusif di generasi gue. He was right. Look around you now. Anak-anak muda banyak yang bingung bagaimana membalas pesan singkat. Padahal cuma pesan singkat, loh. Tapi anak-anak muda mementingkan tata bahasa mereka saat ini. Sebelum makan, di foto. Dateng ke clubbing, harus foto. Kakek meninggal difoto dulu. Anak-anak sekarang melabelkan diri mereka sendiri sebagai hipsters karena ngebet keliatan keren dalam penampilan. Gue bangga, seni itu dijunjung tinggi banget di generasi gue. I think that's why weird things happen to us a lot. We're really... distinctive.

Deep Disappointment
I have just finished with my final exam week. It's like a fashion week, but it's not fun at all, it's depressing. It's been a busy week, not an enjoyable one. I stuttered in various exams. I cheated during various exams, I swear I would do anything, anything to make me pass all the exam. So far, I have failed 3 exams; english, math, and geography. All I can do is inhale air right now. Honestly, If I were rich, I would've paid all my teachers and my headmaster to just, make me graduate with decent scores. Honestly, I don't think I can afford to accept the system of this life anymore. Who gives a damn fuck about Matrix and Linear Equation? Do I look like a hardcore scientist, maam? Inhale. Exhale. But I'm not rich. I just gotta stick with the system.
During math exam, my room was being watched by this counselor. She didn't give any chance for us to cheat. But this another room was being watched by a nice teacher so most of the students got 90 in math. School is a big fat liar. Only dummies would wanna be honest inside it. I mean try to be in my position. Can you, old woman, can you solve matrix problems? No you're old, you're a counselor. So why won't you be tolerant.... I feel like, killing dummies like her in my school now. 


People who always give, who refuse to take... They could be the strongest kind. Chasing happiness, wanting to reach their goals, but not accepting donations, nor helps. You see, when it comes to love, and the urge to be in a beautiful infatuation, this kind of people they would rather to love someone, than being loved by someone. Somehow, what we've been urging for, end up with what we've refused before. Karma, they say. 

Communicate Mr. Keats

Two months ago, I watched a movie, Bright Star. It's a movie about John Keats, an English poetry writer. One line of one of his poem, "Ode to a Nightingale", the line said "But being too happy in thine happiness."
I think it's, really magnificent, being able to be too happy in someone's happiness. It can be meant as a sincerity, one feeling I rarely feel. Being too happy in thine happiness. Being too happy in thine happiness.

Thursday, November 7, 2013


If time really changes everyone, how will entities be able to face the changing of the living-beings? if time is entity, how will time face the changing of the living -things when itself won't fasten or slow its move, when everyone is fastening, when everyone has been different from time to time. How could non-changing entity cause the changing of human beings? How come, people turned so much different. How in the hell did they turn into creatures that can no longer be trusted?

Botanical Garden Pt2

No dude, I didn't just take photos of the scenery, I also had taken pictures of me, in locations I found really interesting. Damn, somehow I would feel like I was in europe. 
The tall trees made me imagine like, I was in a suburban area in Hampshire, or I don't know... Leipzig. Besides, the leaves were falling, reminded me of autumn. Really. It was not as cold as you'd expect. It was.. warm. It wasn't windy at all when I was there. But yeah...
There were also cactus sellers. There was even this hothouse for special cactus treatment.So instead of growing flowers, this hothouse grew cactus instead. See, you could feel like you were in Nevada! 

After visiting the Botanical Garden, the massive traffic jam occurred. We were stuck there, in a mountain-ish road. We felt bored so we stopped by in this little restaurant to eat and pee. The restaurant served well foods...Goat and chicken satay... poffertjes (although the menu said "pupercise" haha) there was also... bansus, bandrek susu... this milky ginger drink.AH. They tasted great. All I needed was a guitar, it was the kind of trip I'd dream about... The restaurant had this view of this valley... I asked the waiter if we could actually enter the valley, and he showed us the way... And tada. These 2 pictures above, are the pictures of the valley. The restaurant is located up above.

I felt so relaxed, and happy that day. Thanks to my mom, my dad, my bro, my sister who were all excited to go there. I love you guys.

Botanical Garden pt1

Last week, like on Monday, Mom was planning to have a family trip to West Java on the weekend. Considering that I had spent a long damn time in Jakarta and realizing that my family hadn't had a family trip since... 2010? So I thought, why not. I canceled my plans on saturday night to join this family trip Sadly, on Friday, my father seemed so hostile to his surroundings. When I approached him to say hello when I had just arrived at home, I saw this fluctuating graphic, and that time, the graphic was fluctuating down down down like super down, I concluded that father had some problems that bothered him, causing his hostility to his surroundings. 

So on Saturday, I bought him a slice of opera cake.I also added a note to the box, saying "Smile, dad. You look handsome as your grin shines! Tomorrow shall we have our family trip.It'll be fun."

My father looked... shy when he received the cake. I knew he was happy with it. My opera cake helped my family to finally be able to have a family trip to West Java.

We left Jakarta really early. It was like 5 am. Sunday morning. And we arrived at 7 am in West Java. Oh, the reason we were visiting West Java is to pick up my sister from her camping field. My sister had been doing camping for 3days since Friday. It was her school activity. She looked so comfortable and she looked amiable enough to the nature. Nice. I wouldn't even last a day in that place. Oh, she was staying in this camping field, located in Cibodas, West Java. It also had this massive botanical garden near the camping field. It's called, "Kebun Raya CIbodas" (eng: Cibodas Botanical Garden)

The Botanical Garden was beautiful. Like really, you guys should come, bring your camera, and just shoot the right angle. So many many good spots to be taken photos at. It was beautiful. I visited that place early in the morning, so it wasn't really congested. It was oh so beautiful.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013


Stand still like a brave knight, holding sword like a villain, falling defeated like a duchess. Doesn't matter if you have the courage, the weapon, you will end up failing like an idiot in a dependence. A wasteful of efforts, flying memories, the sound of anger, the looks of confusion. Tears you are holding are meant to be poured. noisy roads full of vehicles driving on and on. silent room, dead dolls, and tiny mosquitos flying around, leaving you cornered. walking souls breaking in, the cornered self is blinded, paralyzed, with numb heart. Numb heart which is beating fast in exhaustion, suffocates the lungs dying, lack of air. Empty brain, forlorn. forlorn.

Insting mati.

"Death instinct will be activated when we think on purposely that the bad things we do are okay, or when our nerve can't function because of the illness in our mental. Death instinct, is a kind of instinct that directs us to do something bad. Death instinct shouldn't be functioning. If sane humans would try to activate this instinct, should we keep calling them, 'sane'?"

Sunday, October 27, 2013

M O N D A Y.


Some girls are so damn beautiful, they start to feel ugly. Define beauty is really difficult. People have their own opinions about it. Some girls would follow what society wants. skinny body, long legs, pointed nose, long hair, light skin. Some try so hard they won't consider their own values. Some girls would starve to death to be skinny. Some girls would take risk on plastic surgery, some would use whitening lotion, some would use push-up bra, some would use heavy make ups. Beauty. All I cared about was being skinny. I had my diet schedule back then, I wouldn't eat and stuff. Really pathetic. In the end, I still couldn't get what I wanted. In the end, I realize, beauty isn't meant to be craved, it is meant to be taken care of. 

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Jakarta Fashion Week 2013

Me in Jakarta Fashion Week
Qya in Jakarta Fashion Week

Hello hello everyone! On October 20th Qya and I attended Jakarta Fashion Week to see a fashion show by Binus International School of Fashion. It was Sunday. We arrived there at around 3 pm yet, the show started at 5 pm. So we immediately went to the main atrium to see the public show. oh, before we go too far, I want to tell you that I lost those photos I have taken during the show because my computer broke before I had the time to upload them. These are the pictures that I have uploaded to facebook privately before the computer broke. I think it's my bad luck after laughing at this woman who fell from the 3rd line to the 1st line.

We got the invitations by booking them online, and then the truth was that we had to sit in the 3rd line because we booked them, we didn't get invited. Oh this show was held in the fashion tent, the runway was pretty long, the lights were amazing, the models were amazing, the people were amazing. I wasn't happy to be sat in the 3rd line as I wouldn't get anything to take a pic of, so yeah I was really pissed. But then before the show started there were 2 seats in the 1st line still, so I kind of jumped to get it. so Qya and I got the 1st line seatsss holla holla holla!

Oh I also met my friend, from my elementary school, Ovra. He was with his friend. I also met several people....

Random handsome male models

Me and Wisnu Sinaga 

I feel really crappy that I'm not able to post the pictures from the shows because the collections were really stunning, some were modernized-traditional, some were futuristic, some were strong-military style, some were mystical. I really wish to come next year. Au revoir!


Oh let's face it. You can choose one of them, but you can't choose both of them. If  I were the government, I would choose Communism yet If I were just a civil, I'd choose liberalism. I think it's completely impossible choosing the median of these 2 concepts. It's really impossible. Just saying. 

Too late to be told.

Today I didn't do my daily morning pray. I knew something bad was going to happen, but I didn't listen. I woke up, and I went to the bathroom to pee. But instead of preparing myself to pray, I went back to sleep. In that morning sleep, I had a dream. I saw him in my dream from such a pretty far distance. and then he kind of came to me, and he said, "Promise me, would you?" and I had no idea what he was talking about. But oh well, I hugged him. I felt happy inside. Like I felt really, really blessed having him in my dream. But then he walked away. I tried to chase him, to blame him everything. But then I saw him, entering a house, a white small house, with a big smile, a smile of satisfaction. And a girl showed up, and I could hear himself saying "I did it." in a silence. it was like, I could read his mind. And then I woke up, feeling slapped in my face. 

Sometimes, I just can't believe how drastic he has changed. I think it's just, impossible. I knew him in a nice, loving way, how can I possibly change my mind to a disgusting, hating way? Sometimes, I just don't want to believe that you are a horrible person. 

Monday, October 14, 2013

Fashion's Night Out; Autumn Edition pt4

Folks in Fashion's Night Out. 
 Remember Ryan from Kemang Fashion Week? So I met him again in Fashion's Night Out. I saw him being interviewed by the media. and then when he was about to leave, Qya and I talked to him. Ryan seemed so surprised seeing us in that party. He was like, "Eh!! sama siapa?" when he saw me. That means "Hey! Who are you going with?" and then I told him that it was me and Qya again. hehe
 Me and Kiki
 Me and Marissa Nasution
Me and Indra Bruchman

Anonymous Models and Beautiful People
So this is my bel ami. I like the guy in a grey shirt on my left side. When I walked to him and asked if we could take a picture, he was like, "Oh yeah sure." and then his friend (on my right) spoke in such a strange language. I had to ask him where he was from! As I was very very curious about the language! So I asked his friend, "Where are you from?" in a fangirl tone kind of voice. and he said, "Brazil." And I was like, "Ah mucho gusto."
Then he didn't say anything. 
Fuck. That was awkward. Mucho Gusto is actually spanish, it means nice to meet you. I don't understand why he didn't say anything.. I don't know what went wrong; whether it's my pronounciation or just that he didn't understand spanish. I mean I know that brazilians speak portuguese, but still, Brazil is close to Argentina and Chile so I kind of expected him to say something in spanish cause I really really wanted to practice my spanish. But he didn't sau anything, SO I told him, "It's spanish."
And click! we took a picture. the three of us. Then I told the guy on my left again, "Gracias." I mean everybody knows what "gracias" means, it's like knowing what "sorry" means in english. Again, that guy didn't say anything. But instead, my beautiful beautiful friend in a grey shirt, he said, "De nada." which means "You're welcome."
My heart stopped. Like, jeez I didn't even expect him to pay attention to me. Jeez, I couldn't help but smiling. and then he said, "bvsmhfjkjksjd" something in spanish that I didn't understand. And YOU KNOW WHAT I TOLD HIM? I said, "No puede espanol." shit.
what kind of a girl I am, mortifying myself in front of someone I had been keeping my eyes on that night. SHIT. "No puede espanol" means I can't spanish. WHEN I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY "No puede hablar en espanol" which means I cna't speak in spanish. OR JUST SIMPLY SAID, "No comperendo" which means I don't understand. I was so mortified I ran to Qya and told her that I had just made a spanish mistake. And blah. I was so embarrassed. I didn't even ask his name. Oh god.
Oh my God, It was really really glad to see you all, I had the time of my life that night. I am looking forward to other events to come. I am going to sleep in such a peaceful thoughts. MASSIVE thanks to Qya for accompanying me that night, MASSIVE thanks to Kuningan City for the awesome invitation to the party. I hope I can see you all again soon. I love you all. Stay safe. 

Fashion's Night Out; Autumn Edition pt3

The fashion shows were firstly opened by this muaythai performance by muaythai athletes. they showed us techniques and moves from that art. they were pretty musculars, and it was quiet unexpectable seeing sport show in a fashion show. so bravo, organizers. 
Those are a little glimpse of The North Face ID show and Nautica, and Bratpack shows. The collections were all wearbale, I would recommend my boyfriend to shop those collections if I had one. HAHAHA.
The following show was Carnival by Afgan. Suddenly, two male dancers came up with one sexy female dancer. They were dancing and dancing, and then suddenly shirtless models came to do a catwalk. and then the male dancers went out, and then those models posed on the beginning of the runway, and then this sexy sexy female dancer helped them to perform a catwalk with shirts on. I was like, aw thats so sweet. That guy in the center, is mon bel ami whose name I didn't even have the chance to ask.Ah. 
Carnival by Afgan was followed by Ichwan Thoha's collections. They were uinque. I was astonished seeing the colors all mixed up in a great combination. There were so many risks I had seen in that show, so many many modifications, they were all still wearable, but you all just got to be brave wearing them as they're not common clothes, they're unique, in a good creative way, you go boys!
After Mr. Thoha's show, Armani Jeans show started. I am sorry I don't have the pictures of Aramni Jeans, cause I had troubles taking the pictures ad this photographer's head was blocking my lens, so yeah. The pictures were pretty defected. You can actually visit Kuningan City's twitter account; @Kuningan_city to see the collections. 
 The fashion shows ended with a parade by the models from each collection. i didn't know that there were so many models participating. They looked like a train of a beautiful people, wearing beautiful outfits.
 After the fashion shows ended, Maliq &D'essentials entertained the guests by performing their songs. After Maliq, this DJ started spinning his playlists, and people began to dance. Before, Marissa as the MC told us to not go anywhere cause the models would be joining us in the room in a moment. 
"Damn!" I thought.
To be continued............

Fashion's Night Out; Autumn Edition pt2

Me and Rio Dewanto
Me and Mike Lewis

Dear readers, I've been trying to blog since yesterday, but I've no personal notebook, and this current notebook I am currently using has this.... battery problems.. So yeah so much reasons to procrastinate. My sister told me, "Your blog posts late articles. Such a shame." Pft, I mean really,if I had a super awesome notebook, I wouldn't even be late to post things in my blog.
I am actually, still speechless, remembering that I was even there. I mean, that was such 100 percents luck for me. Sometimes, I would still smile out of nowhere, remembering mon bel ami. Le bel ami. I made this nickname to this guy whom I met in Exodus. Le bel ami. Beautiful friend(friend as in a guy friend). He looked really beautiful, I could've fallen in love with him.

Ah okay, so based on the invitation, the event would be held at 7 pm. I immediately came to Exodus at 6:30 pm just in case we had to wait in lines. When we arrived there, Qya and I saw beautiful beautiful male models were resting outside the venue. I repeat, male models. I was like, okay, where are we exactly? the models were like, male version of angels. Damn they looked so beautiful. 

We entered Exodus Dining. And we saw Marissa Nasution, Mike Lewis, Robby Purba, and Rio Dewanto were being given a briefing about the event. and after they finished having that meeting, I collected my guts to finally talk to Mike and Rio, and ask them if I can take pictures with them. They were being so nice, they were like, "Okay sure..." and I asked this waiter to take the pictures. I was very grateful that he was there helping me. Thank you mas pelayan.

This event began with a welcoming dance from these dancers. They were dancing Ne-Yo style with a bit of attractions of breakdance tricks on the runway. I was pretty shocked, yet I was quiet aware of the possibility that they might fall on the runway. I mean models, they walk, they could fall. Pft, imagine doing a breakdance on a runway! wow.  Just speechless.
After the dancers finished dancing, suddenly these models walked on the runway as an opening fashion show.
My heart became more hysterical than my face cause I had to you know keep my image. I sat in the front line on the left side of the runway so I could see the collections and the models pretty clearly.
And then Marissa Nasution showed up on the stage and introducing all the host for that night. The hosts showed up and did a catwalk. Oh I forgot to tell you that this autumn edition was a men edition so the models were all male, so were the hosts and the collections.
And then the ceo of Kuningan city came up to the stage and gave a little welcoming speech, followed by a toast. The guests were told to stand up, and hail raise their glasses. and the CEO officially opened the party by raising his glass and said, "enjoy the party!". Everybody clapped and sat down, and Marissa declared that the collections were ready to be shown.
to be continued....

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Fashion's Night Out; Autumn Edition pt1

I have planned on going to Fashion's Night Out in Kuningan City months ago. It was a summer edition. I have received the invitation, but on the Day D, I had to visit my great grandma, I had to go out of town. So I missed it. It was such a disappointment for me, having my plans tore down suddenly.
But you know, every sacrificial comes with a price.
One day I was visiting Kuningan City with my family, and I saw this announcement about Fashion's Night Out Autumn Edition. And I thought, jeez I really should come. I meant, I must. I told my partner in crime, Qya, whom I often go to public events with about it. And then she found out there was a quiz to get the invitation to the party. And I joined it. And thankfully, I won.
When they mentioned my username on their tweet. My heart was like.. beating so fast, and then I couldn't help screaming. I felt like somebody just pushed my mood up. It was thursday and earlier that day,I wasinformed that I had failed 2 subjects; Bahasa Indonesia and tech studies. So when I was informed that I got the invitation, I went crazy like a fan girl.and I immediately told Qya that we could go to rhe party the next day. 
I didn't only get the invitation, but I also got this awesome t-shirt, so Thanks super a lot toKuningan City for the gifts. On friday afternoon, I went to Kuningan City to get my invitation.I was informed that the party was going to be held in Exodus dining, at 7 pm. the dresscode demanded black and silver colors, with the touch of red. I was thinking about this silver tanktop and this black skirt I had. I was thinking to polish my nails with red, but I didn't get much time on friday night, so I just used this red lipstick.
There was nothing I could think of but that Fashion's Night Out. I was beyond excited.


I've stopped attending french course. Mom told me to. She said I should be focusing on my school works instead, not that course, nor public events. what a shame. Sometimes, I feel like, "Sad night, where's morning?" HAHAHA parrot. Sad Night Where is Morning is actually a song. I miss being able to not giving so much shits. Still, I had an amazing friday night yesterday. Gonna tell you about that later...Adieu.

Monday, September 30, 2013

I've never wanted to be apart from you, stay close to me.

Alright, Monday.

So I am actually staying at home today. I didn't go to school. I told my mom I had a headache and she believed me. In fact, I was just super lazy to get up as this is Monday and Indonesian school has this weird flag raising ceremony every monday morning so it's reall frustrating. so I lied, I told her that I had a headache. Two days before I've been having flu, but no headache, although last night I had fever. I really enjoyed staying at home. I almost cried thinkign I couldn't do something like this in another time... Sometimes, I wounder if I ever will be able to just, be free in my house. You know, like blog my mind out.
I have been feeling like, I lost everything. I am an individual, not a clone. I keep reminding myself that. I have lost my cellphone and I felt like half of my soul was gone, was lost, and I was trying so hard to gain money to buy me a new phone. You know, I have actually been writing. essays, and stories. I actually applied this essay to join this essay competition and the prize actually made me droll. The announcement of the winners is on October 10, and somehow I know I would lose, but in the other side, I am dying, wishing to win. like dying. like, I was really begging my God to please, please please let me win this competition, let me just get the money and get half of my soul back by getting a new cellphone. But then I thought ah damn I am so not gonna win. There are more than 1000 essays applying. I've seen the titles of them and they sounded so great, just looking at the titles. I am so screwed. Hopeless is what I am now. I honestly could care less about school as I just really really want a new cell phone. you know, to get my lfie back. my current celly is this old nokia that doesnt even provide calculator and internet service. I was dying in economy examination cause I couldn't use the calculator, and I was dying in my french test cause my current cell phone doesn't provide frnehc dictionary. I felt sick. I hope that cell phone stealer wold have his dick landed over by a truck. The other side, I am trying to be very very tolerant. I mean the stealer's wife or kid mustve been dying he started to steal. but I would accept no tiny mercy if he did it on purpose, if he did it as a profession. no mercy at all. But I keep reminding myself that I am an individual, not a clone. I shouldn't be depended on gadgets. I am an individual, not a clone. I am a human, not a robot. Pft, I will never ever be able to feel good enough.

Still, I am glad I didn't go to school today.

Candy Lab Market&Museum Report!

Oh Hello people! Talking about what's so out of date is my Candy Lab Market and Museum report. Candy Lab Market and Museum is an event which was held in Grand Indonesia Shopping Town from September 6th to September 8th. It's almost October today, and I haven't got the time to blog my mind out recently, so yeah, this is it. 
I went to the event with my mom and my sister, right when we wntered the venue, we saw this gorgeous illustrations, and you know, candy decorations and also some laboratory tools. This event contains so many fashion stalls, which brands are quiet independent. I was really astonished, seeing so many young people being so creative with their own brands. 
Most of the products were unique, talking about tthe designs... the patterns of the fabrics. They didn't only sell clothes and shoes, and jewelries, they also sold decorations, even stationaries. The prices they offer can be expensive, but there are some affordable prices too. I was disappointed that I didn't bring a lot of money to shop, so I was just looking around. I was completely amazed and hypnotized by all the stalls. It was such a great place to visit, to walk by. 
There was also food corner where people sold food... more like snacks, actually. I bought those cupcakes, one green tea flavor and the other one was red velvet. they tasted really good I mean you could really feel the green tea and red velvet flavors jumping on your tastebuds. There was also Puyo, the pudding jakarta people are talking about. There was also this turkish kebab which was sold and served by the real turkish seller. Pretty interesting. 
There were so many interesting people visiting... they would visit this event with unique clothes and styles. I found it really fascinating. I would love to visit it again, with a lot of money in my bag of course. So far, I am still astonished by the creativity of young Indonesian designers. Keep up the spirit, guys! see you in the next event.