April 2018: Moodboard

Doing that one thing you love besides all this routine surely helps. Basically I try to wake up early every day, I will take 30 minutes to finally "wake up" by doing some French quizzes. Then I'd go to school, and do the things and take some time to think again, sometimes end up overthinking. I begin to work during the night. It's quite hard for me to construct my overall mood this April: SO MUCH IN MY MIND. My brain is tiny but it sure has a lot of space for a lot of things. It's surely depressing not knowing answers and have to wait. 

Sol26

Terdengar hela di sela tempo bekerja
Kedua nafas yang pernah menyatu,
Menjauh bebas bersama angin,
Mencari sudut yang tak serupa,
Hilang arah dari kebersamaan
Suara-suara dalam gempita nan sunyi,
Kedua hati tak berbisu dengan malu

Kala itu,
Hanya kata-kata, banyaknya rasa, banyaknya asa,
Mimpi-mimpi menghidupi jiwa yang haus akan mati,
Harapan nan gugur tumbuh menjadi harapan baru,

Kala itu,
Hanya kata, hanya rasa, hanya lagu dan puisi
Selalu saja sedikit aksi,
ditambah juga sedikit reaksi

Kedua mata saling menatap,
Tatapan yang sama kala keduanya pergi

Sol25

src: pinterest

Eyes are dried,
Hearts are torn,
Dreams are shattered,
Too much farewell in one nght,
Too much longing,
Too much misery,

I used to hate the time cause it raced me to death, how it's gone so fast. These days I found out that time also gives you hope, time answers, time makes everything changes and we can see who we really are, what we want; longer time or less time, maybe we can finally be there.

Burst of Thoughts at 1:30 am

cancer

suddenly, silently, and continuously, these voices and these touches are left to be scars, sucking myself and torturing inside. You can never say that growth is a great thing. When something is growing, something else is deteriorating. They work both ways like gravity.

So yes, I am so afraid of cancer and what it's capable of doing. Basically, people are cancerous, though. basically, the city is cancerous, the lifestyle, the way we rotate, they radiate, these evil to raise.

social burden

Can you do this?

Can you do that?

Is it possible if you'd help me with...

You know we can depend on you, right?

Don't worry, you'll get through this.

Can we meet up this weekend?

What about next weekend?

Don't forget our family gathering next week.

Don't forget to call your grandmother and say thank you.

Are you free? I got something to tell..

Can you help me with the conversation?

How do I say it to him... It doesn't sound right?

communication,

and noise,noise,noise,

fucking noise.

so fucking tired of communicating I feel like I'm running out of oxygen.  so fucking tired of texts, notification, social media interaction, upcoming calls, all this social burden makes me socially drained. Please just understand that I just want to talk a little less, and listen a little less, 

All the screams and the excitement, with all this noise in my head, 

God, I just want to pass it on. Pass it on. What scares me is that I can never ever ever ever be alone.

Post scriptum:

Hello guys, it's April already, just 4 months away from August: this is the month when I predict my graduation. It's 1:30 am here and I just, can not help not to write, and design.