Lost

It may be difficult to understand or try to understand your feelings everytime. I keep asking myself "Wait, what am I feeling?" "How am I supposed to feel about it?" "Are my feelings alright?" "is it okay to feel this way?", and actually, it may just burst into this particular thought: I don't want to feel at all, I want to flow like the stream of the river, I want to move around like the branch of the trees following the breeze of the wind. I don't want to feel at all. I don't want to find out. I just want to be found, just like how I found the thrill of random acting class, or the poem about sex, or that binary code lesson I had late at night. To be frank, I don't I think that I can find myself once again like how I did back in that corner with cold feet and a mind full of unspoken words of liberation. I look at myself in the mirror and I see how the time has passed and how I have been shaped by the speed of this city, and by other people's pace. I feel like I am lost, somewhere in between, detached from the dreams I had, and drowned deeply into the unrealistic reality. At times like this, I know why "crazy" or "mentally-ill" people would wander around on the street, staring at nothing, and keep on walking without actually having a clear destination. Sometimes I do want to wander and find myself again (if possible)