Days during the CSR Trip

A View from Pasir Nini (re: Grandma Hill)

Hello, hail to the newest year of 2017. Didn't I tell you that I am now on my 6th semester of my PR studies at the university? Well, let me tell you a few things about public universities in Indonesia. In a very, practical, and short explanation, public universities in Indonesia receive discounts from the government so the fees won't be that expensive. This term "discount" refers to a subsidy that was brought here by the tax that the people paid. So in order to thank the government and the people for their generosity, we, university students are obliged to create a CSR program. The people give us their money for education subsidy, so we have to give back the people, not their money, but the output of their money that we made during our education process at the uni, that is what we call our knowledge and skills. So with all this knowledge and skill, we have to help the people develop together with us through this CSR program, or in a colloquial occasion, we call it as KKN (Kuliah Kerja Nyata)

The students were placed in random faraway villages where they must hold their program to develop those villages. So I went to Majalengka Region, West Java, where I was placed in this small village, named Kondangmekar for one month (precisely 32 days).

Boy, that was surely once in a lifetime experience that I might not want to do ever again.

I lived in a house where there was a beehive, a fucking beehive inside the bathroom. So I had to walk like 100 meters everyday to shower, poo, and pee. The house was decent, the people were decent, but I had to feel like I was in an ANTM drama house for one month.

Sol 20

I get a mild headache every time I stay up late. It's like, maybe.. gravity is resisting my existence. I've been completely aware about the endless thoughts that I haven't been able to think of. 

This is my blatant writing; memories and thoughts and feelings of sorrow, anger, hope, lust, everything. Sometimes I feel like I am an alien trapped in another planet, where I watch them grow, walk in speed, talk in murmur, and everything passed. Sometimes I feel like I am the clock, defeated by the earth's rotation. 

This has been my journey, how I feel like I don't belong to the place I, emotionally was forced to say yes. It's like, a place, full of rapists. People are so fucked up they become package of emotional burden to one another. 

One night, I realized something about "relationship". Some people indeed avoid it because they don't want to be responsible of unnecessary feelings and occurrence that would happen in a relationship. Like, if he's not happy, you feel guilty or at least he makes you feel guilty. For a basic, instance, a boyfriend has this weird feelings of obligation to buy gifts or arrange a surprise party when his girlfriend's birthday is coming. He's scared, he's worried.