Thursday, February 23, 2017

Sol 20

I get a mild headache every time I stay up late. It's like, maybe.. gravity is resisting my existence. I've been completely aware about the endless thoughts that I haven't been able to think of. 

This is my blatant writing; memories and thoughts and feelings of sorrow, anger, hope, lust, everything. Sometimes I feel like I am an alien trapped in another planet, where I watch them grow, walk in speed, talk in murmur, and everything passed. Sometimes I feel like I am the clock, defeated by the earth's rotation. 

This has been my journey, how I feel like I don't belong to the place I, emotionally was forced to say yes. It's like, a place, full of rapists. People are so fucked up they become package of emotional burden to one another. 

One night, I realized something about "relationship". Some people indeed avoid it because they don't want to be responsible of unnecessary feelings and occurrence that would happen in a relationship. Like, if he's not happy, you feel guilty or at least he makes you feel guilty. For a basic, instance, a boyfriend has this weird feelings of obligation to buy gifts or arrange a surprise party when his girlfriend's birthday is coming. He's scared, he's worried. 

But is that love?
Or just a cheap concept of "having a birthday in a relationship"?

So I found the answer of this fallacy. Now I understand that, in a relationship, it's never anyone's obligation to please each other. it has to be their sincere urge to give and share your affection. People are still blinded.

I found so many peculiar things in this world, full of people expecting a "yes" answer from others. I feel the guilt of saying no. 

Have I become, human or have I found another way of thinking in a macro, egoistic point of view? 

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