Please catch.

dear dream catcher,

please stay awake as I fall asleep

 when you see what i wish

please catch.

Stumbled.

 

It's not like I've always wanted to share bad news. 

You're probably exhausted of hearing those bad news. 

You're probably tired of dealing the same thing with me. 

You're probably super embarrassed or unbelievably mortified.

It's been me. I made this happen. and somehow I just never regret it. the way it happens so often makes me think that it's a normal cycle, or a routine. and  I am  honestly, not tired of this. it's like, just another lame thing that would come and go. 

but i do regret making you sad, though. i regret making them sad.

but i am not here, pleasing any of you. i am truly sorry that few of you have probably pleased me but i've never pleased you back. maybe it's my talent; not pleasing everyone.

You don't have to be nice to me. Punish me if you want. make me feel like being punished; the feeling I have never felt. 

Actually I don't know what I should do now. I don't even know what i should feel; angry, sad, pissed, happy. it doesn't seem to be mattered anymore (lebay). well it's true. my vision always directs me to the future... it often feels like, what i did, then it's done. i just wanna leave it, and live what hasn't been lived. 

He once said, "I don't want you getting down syndrome level scores anymore"

But maybe having down-syndrome-level scores is my ability. so what can you do? :)

(:

So the lappy started to work with Linux yesterday. I am now like a woman trying to operate a braille crossword, which is dumb. but since windows has been messing with this lappy, oh well yeah we took LInux.

Nevertheless...
I've been trying to blog the shit out of my ass. the fuck you have, fid? i can'tput my shit on my blog or can i? nope I can't.

I've been trying to blog my heart out. It's been quiet, abstract. on-off feelings have been felt these days. The only thing i know is that, I miss the old feeling of everything; the fresh morning air i took on the first day of high school. it was, monday i think. and the closest feel i've been even though it was the farthest position i've been. okay this is gonna confuse you to death.
The most important thing is that, I miss you... us. 
.
it takes my nerves to set up a nostalgic thought everytime i sit alone in silence. it's not like it's been such a personal urge to, go back. but it seems like i don't wanna deal with this situation. at least not without you. or i don't know. i feel like i haven't really solved the prob with you. is this what you call the L word, or just another miserable yearning? I don't know.
Me, blogging here is just interpretating. I have zero percent of being sarcastic to anyone right now. so go fucking erase your negative thought.


well so long, sleep tight memories. we shall meet again