Thursday, December 8, 2011


It's not like I've always wanted to share bad news. 
You're probably exhausted of hearing those bad news. 
You're probably tired of dealing the same thing with me. 
You're probably super embarrassed or unbelievably mortified.

It's been me. I made this happen. and somehow I just never regret it. the way it happens so often makes me think that it's a normal cycle, or a routine. and  I am  honestly, not tired of this. it's like, just another lame thing that would come and go. 

but i do regret making you sad, though. i regret making them sad.
but i am not here, pleasing any of you. i am truly sorry that few of you have probably pleased me but i've never pleased you back. maybe it's my talent; not pleasing everyone.

You don't have to be nice to me. Punish me if you want. make me feel like being punished; the feeling I have never felt. 

Actually I don't know what I should do now. I don't even know what i should feel; angry, sad, pissed, happy. it doesn't seem to be mattered anymore (lebay). well it's true. my vision always directs me to the future... it often feels like, what i did, then it's done. i just wanna leave it, and live what hasn't been lived. 

He once said, "I don't want you getting down syndrome level scores anymore"
But maybe having down-syndrome-level scores is my ability. so what can you do? :)

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